I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
