I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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