I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
