I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
