end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
