Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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