Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
