i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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