I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
