I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
