weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
