Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
