she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
