i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
ok first of all what the fuck
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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