You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Randomize
