I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
