Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
