i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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