The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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