So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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