Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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