Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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