We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
