hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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