no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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