Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
