mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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