lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
