Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
