Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
