we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
