I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
