i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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