I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
