i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
