Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
