I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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