so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
