She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
