I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
