I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
