Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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