yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
