I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
