In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
