I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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