would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Are we still banned from the library?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
