She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My liver just had a heart attack.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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