I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
