I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
