i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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