omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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