It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
