I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
