Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize