Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
