Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I could make wine with my vomit
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
