I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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