He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
