There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
