What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
