Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She bit a glass in half.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
