Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
