Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
