I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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