I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize