if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
