We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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