its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
