Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
