they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
