Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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