apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
