Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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