I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
