i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
