They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
