she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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