I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
