I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
