Kiss
Puke
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
