Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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