Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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