I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
